LOSING IT ALL

The date is June 28th, 2004. Right now, all thats been on my mind is "have I become a jerk? and why?" too which my friend calmed my paranoia (which Im known for having at times) and confirmed I had been getting out of hand but since I realized it, its no biggie. I've also been thinking about how much I would really like to sit down and write, just write something about my feelings. Im mostly a happy guy, I like making people laugh, as well as being someone they can talk to, but lately it feels as though I've just up and failed every single person in my life. I'm not sure if thats a common feeling, but its very, very odd for me to be feeling it. I first wanted to write something about how everyone else has changed, which seems like the majority of people seem to feel they should do. Everyone but yourself, right? Well I know some of them HAVE indeed changed, but I'm part of the 'everyone' I referred too. I'm not afraid to admit it, because I know who I am, and I don't want some kind of obscure feeling to overcome me and become some sort of shell of that former self, which was me. That was a complicated thought right there, which is why Im going to now switch to song form, and write about these feelings musically with my trusty acoustic guitar.


As I walked into work one day, the boss was there to greet me
she asked why i was late and I tried to think of a way for her to see
I couldn't possibly do anything right, I explained with a slight nod
because Im dumber than a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob

that wasn't the first
that wasn't the last
that was just a part of the story of
me, losing it all

the friends and I tried to get to the movies after work
we'd been waiting so long to get out and see this flick
it was 5 to the movie when we got there to see it was sold out
why we were shocked I don't know, for I couldn't think ahead unless I was decapitated

that wasn't the first
that wasn't the last
that was just a part of the story of
me, losing it all

finally the group and I got to see the feature film of our fancy
it took some doing to get us all there, organization by me is pretty chancy
the girlfriend even came, but somehow the girl i admire most found a reason to breakup
even if i could go to dinner and have sex with myself i still couldn't keep a relationship

but that wasn't the first
that wasn't the last
that was just a part of the story of
me, losing it all

this is the part where i think back and realize all the things im screwing up
ignoring my friends' need, God-knows-what with girls, and not keeping my mouth shut
these all contribute to my continuing loss, but I'll try and fix it, because thats all anyone can do about it
from what I'm told, though, I couldn't hit water if I fell out of a boat.....

Thats it, I think I created the word Chancy in that one, meaning risky;to take a chance, so I expect a cut of the next year's Dictionary and Thesaurus sales to come my way. That's basically it, it felt pretty good to maybe stretch a few things, takes care of me being so pissed off at myself, and now the healing process can begin. I really do have to thank all my friends for being there for me, I hope I help/do the same cuz I definetley try.